About safeguarding mental health.
This year, in Italy, about ten women get killed every month and counting. Over 80 percent are murdered by a man in their close circle such as their partner or father. At the end of June the femicide ticker counts the year total of 2022. Why do so many women not have protection from the men in their lives?
On Saturday, I attended a fundraiser’s event for adolescents organized by the Turkish actor Can Yaman, on tour in Italy. According to Yaman, whom fans call, the most handsome and loving man on the planet, young people can hardly count on anyone if they need to talk to someone or if they need help. The level of solitude is on the rise and this has been confirmed by Istat. Over 55 percent of Italians have no friends. The model and actor is a remarkable man who went to American law school and now visits schools, children’s hospitals, and police events where every subject is open for debate. People gather in thousands with banners screaming “Love Generates Love”.
Does it introduce a new type of male figure which young men can look up to?
Belgian actor Matthias Schoenaerts, Hawaiian actor Jason Momoa and British actor Tom Hardy all symbolise the sensitive male macho, similar to the influence of the Turkish Adonis. They all have a different voice but all express their art through facets of emotion. They have something else in common, which might herald the end of an era where good girls predictably end up with the villain. Or do most men in real life at some point try to dominate women maybe, like alpha dogs? And then bite when they don’t get it their way…
The good news is, bad is old fashioned. Love no longer needs to mean hard work. When a toxic family member shows disrespect, it is not justified anymore and moreover, people now know it not only happens on the white screen that a father or an ex can be life threatening. In the majority of the cases it is the father or the ex.
Yaman’s message could be summed up by how the world would be a better place if we begin by looking at the malaise among children. Listening to this Jezus, I convinced myself that if there is a God, it is indeed a woman.
“Strong masculine men are protective and loving. Masculinity is not toxic. The absence of it is. Weak men are abusive.” Author Chris Perry states furthermore: “Weak men create masculine women. Strong men create feminine women.”
All that is related to the feminine demands a prominent place in the masculine, and vice versa; every masculine aspect implores integration into the feminine universe.
This article pledges for unity of the feminine and masculine aspects within ourselves, regardless of our gender, and how it can empower us to find an equilibrium between the mind and our emotions. It is the opposite of gender fluidity. In other words, let mothers cook again without worrying about being locked away forever in the kitchen with five children. Give men the time and space to go out and fish and, do not jam shut the door when he brings home the bacon.
The leading male counterpart of the television series “Viola come il mare”, performed by Can Yaman, often uses a heartfelt version of “How are you?” while he patiently awaits a truthful reply.
Emotions are okay. They might get people in trouble when suppressed. It is said that one can find strength in vulnerability and seek help. Letting go of one’s feelings is a sign of personal power. When we acknowledge our weaknesses, we can transform toxicity into healthy behavior like setting people free. Above all, we have to put the past behind us.
Become aware of your issues, and your issues will fade away. On the one hand, it is better not to do the trick and crush a man just because you can. But punishing innocent women shows an inflexible manly ego.
“I didn’t say it would be easy”, says the female protagonist in Viola.
At the fundraiser’s party, some men in the audience had no idea of the connection between Mister Yaman and his nonprofit organisation but the hundreds of girls and ladies who desired a glimpse of the international star seemed to know everything about it. For hours, Mister Yaman dedicated his time to his fans who were standing in an endless queue awaiting for his signature and attention. The tour in Italy is called “Break the Wall” and focuses on pulling teenagers and adolescents out of their solitude. The actor transforms by doing so his skyrocketing fame into solid coins which he donates to a good cause through a message of love, as opposed to fear. This rare socially responsible initiative has already been awarded in the Italian capital and it is maybe one to keep an eye on in the future.
So what are some possible solutions we simple mortals can do ourselves? I got inspired by a quote in which Yaman dreams of healthy children playing outside.
First of all, make sure people get back outside of their small circle as soon as possible. Go out and picnic, go for a walk, do some gym. Talk about the weather to the lady in the supermarket and get to know your neighbours. Subscribe yourself to a dance class. When you dance, just like in life, dear gentlemen, you hold space for the lady to be creative and shine. That is what leading means. And ladies, take a step back, feel protected and shine!
Additionally, people are not trees. Students should get unstuck in some corner of the world regardless of whether it is Pescara (Italy), Muenster (Germany), or Leuven (Belgium). Start over again, travel, move and be open-minded.
Read articles & books, always use your discernment, and learn a new language. The skill of speaking languages makes you an abundant man or woman. A book is a conversation with the author but a language is a conversation with the world. They both enrich your soul.
The world events since 2020 have left dirty trails of fear, solitude, and malaise in our lives. In Italy the diagrams show a plummet of the quantity of marriages and as much divorces as before. The majority of the babies are born within marriages in Italy as a result the birth rate has decreased even more.
Love is about what you do every day.
While teaching a playful type of family yoga it caught my attention that very often busy dads sit on the side glued to their smartphones. The excited kids, full of expectations of playing together, look forward to being a VIP in a space where they are finally getting the sole attention of the parent, and thus rebel. What had to be great fun turned into a traumatic disappointment.
On many other occasions, when I teach English to adolescents over 16, I get severe instructions from the mothers: “Please, can you talk some sense into my daughter (22)?” or,“Does my son (18) smile in class? I don’t know how to reach him anymore because, at home, he always goes straight to his room.” My answer is more of a question: “Do you tell your son or daughter how your day went, and do you ask how theirs was?”
Parents may not be having it all as superstars and we are not perfect. We still should act, though, on the many opportunities we do have in the most important job in the world.
We can repair the apparently unrepairable with unconditional attention without waiting for the teacher, the social worker or the psychologist. Essentially it only takes consistency in offering time, your full attention and a daily plate of homemade pasta.
By Patrizia Liza Terrenzio [time stamp: 2nd July 2023 – all rights reserved & without prejudice].
Photo: Clarisse Meyer